Where We Live

Burlington, VT, metro-area population 208,055 (one third the population of the entire state), the largest city in Vermont. Yup, that's not very big compared to where we have lived in the past. I've heard it called the big little city because of it's access to shopping, public transportation, the arts, and education that is not found in kind anywhere else in the state. It's home to the University of Vermont, Seventh Generation, Lake Champlain, and brilliantly, Ben & Jerry's. Burlington was Children's Health Magazine's best place to raise a family, and one of National Geographic Adventure's best cities to live and play. It's beautiful here and seems to have it all, really.



Now here is another, lesser known statistic about Vermont. A recent Gallup poll has Vermont as the least religious state in this country, with other New England states coming in just ahead, New Hampshire, Maine, Massachusettes. Check out this article in USA Today:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2009-01-29-faith-state-survey_N.htm



As I said, they seem to have it all. We sense a lot of pride from Vermonters for their state, which we share to an extent. But as a Christian, it's hard not to feel like we are living in a spiritual vacuum here.



While I am still dealing with my feelings of lonliness and missing our spiritual family in NJ, you should know that we think this city is amazing. If I could just implant a few close friends or family members, I would have nothing to complain about. We live on a very central road with Lake Champlain right accross the street. On a clear day we can also see Mt. Mansfield from our huge backyard. Here is a terrible picture, we have a small view of the lake from our front porch:

Here is our duplex, we live in the middle house on the left side:

We have been taking advantage of the short walk down to the lake a lot, here are some pictures of our cold, cold walks:

Jude seems to like it here, he loves to be outside. We had a couple of miserable walks with him testing out his stamina and tolerance for the cold. Conclusion: over an hour in temps below 20 is a bad idea. Kevin rigged a sled to a backpack to pull Jude in when the snow is high. He also likes to ride in the backpack with Kevin in his snowshoes.

Is it too early to start potty training? A girl can dream, can't she?

One huge blessing has been the Christian community here in Burlington. I really think we have met someone from just about every single church or ministry in the Burlington area, and there aren't many. Unlike in NJ, the Christian ministries here seem to be networked a lot better, at least the people in them all know each other. Within a week of moving here I was invited to join a women's bible study made up of women from several different ministries. I can't say how much this has meant to me, and in many ways, I think my transition would have been much tougher without them. I am still getting to know them, but have connected with a few that I spend time with outside of the group. All except a couple have young children, so we have that in common. I really have never felt so cared for by strangers as I have by these women. They call me to hang out, they invite us over for dinner, they are meeting a need in my life for fellowship and I am thankful. We have also been meeting weekly in our home on Sunday mornings with a terrific group of people who have really bought into this church plant. Brian, Jan, and Steve have been an encouragement each week and we look forward to seeing the church grow from here.



We have also met a refugee family that moved here a month ago from Nepal. They are still learning English, so our communication is very limited. But we have had such a great time getting to know them and helping them adjust to the American way of life. The family consists of a young married couple (18 and 20 years old), who have a 17 month old baby girl. His parents are also here with them, they are actually closer to our age! Jude has had fun with his new playmate and they had us over for dinner the other night. Here are a couple of pictures. We had an amazing dinner, which they served to us without eating themselves, and watched Indian music videos that they enjoy on the computer.

Since I started this post (a long while ago), the weather has gotten so nice and warm! We have been spending as much time as possible outside and Jude couldn't be happier than when he is running around the yard or going on hikes with Kevin. By "warm" I mean 40 and above, by the way. Here is a smattering of pictures of what we have been doing with ourselves over the past couple of months.

In our backyard:




Wearing sunglasses:





Playing house:





Reading about huge red dogs:




Building roads:





Having guests:




Relaxing:

A Richer Life

My due date nears, May 6 is D-Day. I am happily rotund, crossing over that "she could be just fat" stage into the "oh, look at that pregnant lady" stage. I regret that I haven't had near the time to daydream about my new daughter as I did with Jude, this pregnancy has steamrolled right through like Thomas the Tank Engine. When I think of this little girl, though, joy settles into the pit of my heart and I am content. I'm happy for Jude that he gets to learn to care for a sister, and I'm happy for us that we get to experience the boy/girl difference and sameness.

Jude has been quite a handful these days. Well, if I'm honest, I think he hasn't changed much at all. He is a very intense, serious little fellow, and he has a one track mind for sure. I think he gets it from daddy :) Since crossing over to toddler world, the tantrums have come on full force. I can see so clearly that he isn't trying to be disobedient, but he is testing us on all sides. I am trying to learn how to respond to these without frustration and anger, and without taking the easy way out. I have read several books that have left me feeling empty and confused, all very clinical approaches to discipline. A friend gave me a book called "Don't Make Me Count to Three" and it has been just what I've needed to hear. This woman talks about shepherding your child's heart from the beginning toward Godliness. She has such great insight into how to communicate to your child by helping them understand where their feelings are coming from and then redirecting them. I don't know why, but it never occurred to me that Jude has the capacity to start learning how to be merciful and loving, even at this young age. That's not a good synopsis, but I do recommend the book. I want more than anything for Jude to have a thankful and compassionate heart, and it makes me shrink to think of the responsibility of leading him there. I'm glad that it is God who has complete access to Jude's heart, when his mother's is so limited. It comforts me to remember that Jude was created to commune with God on a very personal level, just like the rest of us, and there is a limit to where my love and influence can reach. I pray he finds that communion at an early age.

I'm not sure how this will go, but I would like to attempt to share something that has been on my heart since even before moving to Vermont. It has been months, maybe close to a whole year that God has been teaching me things about myself regarding where my security lies. I joke that our income has steadily decreased over the nearly ten years that we've been married, but it is really quite true! In the past, I have taken each pay cut as a challenge, made the adjustment, and haven't so much as batted an eyelash at it. Today we find ourselves living on as little as we've ever lived on, and living in one of the most expensive places in the country. For the first time, it's starting to hurt. I have felt something foreign creeping into my heart, I dare to say it feels a little bit like entitlement. I mean, we have followed God from one hard ministry job to another, from one small paycheck to a smaller one, from a small but solid income, to one that may not be there next month. Don't we have a right to expect a nice place to live, a college fund, our modest lifestyle to be maintained? The more I pray and ponder this question, the less sure I am about the answer.

I am very uncomfortable with the conclusions that are forming in my mind. Part of me has a death grip on the security that comes from having excess. And by excess I mean it in it's very literal sense--anything extra at all. I just can't escape the fact that there is at least one thing that I DO KNOW, that we have followed God here. That leads me to believe that God is providing for us in a very intentional way. I also believe that He wants me to learn to depend on Him this time, only on Him. In the past, we have always had just enough to make it through, so I could do my magic act on our budget. Cut our Blockbuster membership, get rid of cable, cut back my phone minutes, nix my gym membership, eat out less, and voila, I did it! I did it.

I will say this one thing, if only to ease my own mind of the arguments it makes against me. We do have a responsibility to pay our bills and, specifically for Kevin, to provide for the family while on this earth. It's a responsibility that he does not take lightly. However, instead of maybe, trying to make money so we can maintain our current standard of living, we are considering the option that bigger adjustments need to be made, bigger sacrifices. As "poor" as we may seem, I have never felt poor, not for one day. Sacrifice has always been one of those things that we hoped we could live up to one day, but never really have. I mean, sacrificing a Blockbuster subscription felt like having to take a half mile detour, inconvenient at best. And still, the word sacrifice scarcely describes even the most radical adjustment we can make to our charmed lives in this great country.

I guess I long to have more. In fact, I long to have something that maybe I've never had, security in something much greater. I want a richer life. I want to want for nothing, even while having little. I want to remember that there are people in this country and especially around the world who have even less, and are hurting, or even dying because of it. But more than that, I wish that I understood how rich I can be in the things that won't leave me. I am rich in God's grace, and his kindness, and his provision. The things that I have are from His hand and they should be precious to me just because of where they came from, not because of what they are.

This nowhere nears the jumbled mess that is swirling through my mind as I pray about my life, but it's a snapshot. I have this feeling that God has good things to give us to replace what He has taken away. Things that are so much more lasting and will be of greater use to us in our struggle to raise our family and minister to this community. I have hope that I'll learn to put my security in a God who became poor so that we could be rich. (2 Corin 8:9)

Here are some recent pictures, Jude LOVES popcorn (just like Mommy):

Sing us a son, Piano Man

Sometimes he's pretty snuggly

I bought Jude a doll to play with to get ready for the new baby. This is the one and only moment that he has been sweet to it. Usually he find the appendages useful for swinging and throwing

One of his favorite activity is lining up all his trucks in a row, all facing the same way, and then systematically rearranging them

The Holiday's and a Some Great Gifts

This year we stayed here in Vermont for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. We really missed being with friends and family, but it was just necessary. However, we had a nice time holed up in the house on these wintery days, and we even got out a good bit for some parades and activities.

The day before Thanksgiving I was still undecided about whether I wanted to cook for the 2 and a half of us, or go out to eat a traditional Thai Thanksgiving meal of noodles and shrimp with peanut sauce. I woke up that morning with a hankering for tradition and headed to the (above par) supermarket down the street. I cooked all day a meal fit for 6-8 and here is the unremarkable display: Roasted butternut squash with maple syrup (nod to VT), broiled lemon Salmon, garlic and rosemary mashed potatoes, homemade honey wheat bread, and roasted green beans, etc. For dessert, an apple pie, of course.

The day after Thanksgiving we went downtown to see the lighting of the Christmas tree and a parade, which consisted of 2 police cruisers, a firetruck, some random people throwing candy, and Santa in sleigh pulled by what appeared to be a donkey.

Once I got over my weepyness of not getting to go home for Christmas, I started looking forward to the idea of a quiet Christmas with just the 3 of us. Christmas Eve I decide I most definitely did not want to cook, and Kevin suggested that we check out the one and only large church in VT, Essex Alliance, for their Christmas Eve service, and then hit Chili's for dinner. 2 Grilled Quesadilla Explosian Chicken Salads and 1 Bottomless Chips and Salsa later, we were stuffed and headed home for Santa duty.

We had a few toys set out for Jude when he came downstairs on Christmas morning, one of which came in a million pieces. Here is Kevin putting this thing together--thanks Oma!! The riding ATV (Fred Flinstone style) proved to be the biggest hit of the morning.

We had a special Christmas, gifts appeared magically under the tree from a week of elfin UPS driver drop-offs. Kevin made us whole wheat pancakes with VT maple syrup, and chicken sausage for breakfast--perfect.

We met another couple that live just down the street from us who invited us over for Christmas dinner. Jim is the pastor of a church in town and he and Stephanie have a cutie pie named Augustina, who is just a little younger than Jude. I made Mac and cheese, roasted brussels, and a lemon tarte to bring over for dinner. We had a great time of fellowship, it was a blessing to be with new friends on Christmas.

The day after Christmas we went on our first ever sleigh ride with enormous Clydesdale-like horses. Great fun.

We also hosted a little drop in dessert party for our neighbors. We just invited the 4 house nearest to us, all of whom we had briefly met. The young married couple that shares the duplex came, as well as the doctor's wife with their 2 young kids from next door. It was really fun to get to know them a little more. I made a lime tarte, white raspberry cream cake, chocolate tea truffles, and almond glazed cookies (remember these, Court?).

Sigh... the holidays are over, but we received one more great gift before the year was out. We found out that we are having a girl, due May 6! I was completely shocked at the news, especially since my ultrasound technicion at my 12 week visit told me it looked like it was a boy. So much for making those early predictions. What a joy and blessing, the Father knows how to give good and lavish gifts.

Confessions of a Homesick Girl

This truly feels like a confessional today.  I am having a hard time but I haven't wanted anyone to know the extent of it.  I thought that if I just gave it a few weeks I would start feeling better and this transition would be behind me.  I've always prided myself in being adaptable and able to leave something behind with few tears.  We have been here a full month now and if anything I am more acutely aware of my lonliness and distance from loved ones.  It seems like tears are perpetually dammed behind my eyes waiting for just the right moment to flood, which happens quite frequently.  I can't seem to pull it together and just move forward with my life here yet.

There is something that I feel that God may want to teach me through this, and I even think I know what it is.  My head can get around it completely, but my heart is just not keeping pace.  One thing I know for sure is that we are really blessed.  God has always provided for us in every way.  You may immediately think financially, and that is so, but also in the closeness of our friendships and family, as well as the people that we are blessed to minister to.  There are so many things I can think of that have contributed to our sense of happiness and well being.  I find myself conflicted with the knowledge that I have way more than I deserve even while feeling sad and lonely. 

This year it looks unlikely that we will get to spend Christmas with our family in GA.  Now you see my last post and know that we just spent 2 and a half months there!  Yes, well, I wanted to go back for Christmas.  I have never been away from them at Christmas and there is something that feels broken inside of me knowing that this is a first.  I was reminded that for 3 of our siblings, being with family at Christmas is a rarity.  They live in other countries and do not get to come home most years.  I know that people all over the place, including several people that we know here in VT, will not be with extended family for Christmas.  Again, I understand how this should make me feel better, but I am realizing what a selfish heart I have. 

There is a voice deep down that I can barely hear saying this year will be different and good.  That this year we can just sit in front of our sorry little undecorated Christmas tree and listen to what Jesus would say to us.  Maybe in our solitude we will be in a better position to understand the things that make Christmas worth celebrating.  I hope that the silence of this Christmas will help me to hear what I most want to know--that I am not as alone as I think I am. 

Here is a video that is totally NOT in keeping with this post.  Jude has become really taken with dancing.  We aren't sure where he gets it since one of us can't dance and the other one of us won't dance.  

Georgia

Been a while, I know. What can I say, we have been relaxing in the lap of metro-Atlanta luxury with our families. They have heaped indulgence upon hand-and-foot-waiting indulgence upon us, and frankly, I'm not sure I'm ready to leave yet. I may have reverted back to my childhood ways a little and forgotten that I'm actually an adult now and needn't have mom or dad hand me my cereal bowl and orange juice every morning. But really, they have blessed us so much by giving us a place to recuperate and prepare for the next thing, which is Vermont in November.

The best thing about our 2 and a half months here is watching our families interact with Jude. It has been so sweet to see how they have literally changed from strangers to beloved in his eyes. He has grown so much in such a short time and has adapted quickly to his new house every couple of weeks. Here are some of the things that have broadened his little horizons.

On the way down from Jersey we spent a few days at a cabin in Tennessee.  Horses and fireplaces were what we were going for... check!

Jude and I spent a few days with my best friend Courtney and her family.  Here are some shots of Jude and Finn playing near each other.

Our first family visit was with Evelyn (Grandmom).  

She is such a teacher.  Here is a picture of the letters and numbers that she taped to her door for Jude to learn.  She went over them with him every day, as well as shapes, colors and his name.  

Grandmom brought Jude a Halloween card with a window sticker on it.  He loves getting cards!

Then we went to my dad's house, Mimi & Papa's.  An added bonus was having my cute Nanny in town from Texas for a couple of weeks.    

Jude played out in their courtyard a lot.  Give the kid a stick and a pot full of dirt and stand back.

Nanny watched his little baby videos with him trying to get a response out of him.  He is one tough nut to crack.

Jude did lots of new things--rode on Papa's boat, swam in the lake, and Papa taught him how to play golf with his very own little golf clubs.  Papa thinks Jude has real potential based on a fairly accurate swing with good followthrough that occurred one day in his office.  

Next we went to my mom's house, Oma and Opa's.  This is Jude with his cousin, Lyla, my brother's daughter.  Austin is in Germany about to be deployed to Afghanistan, so his wife and daughter will be joining him there shortly.  This wagon was a big hit with Jude, he begs to be wheeled around in it.  I do too, but with dramatically different results.

Another hit was the plastic bin full of sand.

And running like a madman around the yard.  Oma is tireless in her Jude-entertaining antics.

Jude and I went to Texas to visit my mom's side of the family.  Here is my Nanny, a four generation shot.  Jude loved playing out in their huge yard, stripped down to nothing and put in a bin of water.  They had a wagon as well and I think Opa gets the award for most vigorous and incessant wagon pulling. 

We didn't get any good pictures of Jude for Halloween unfortunately!  He was a chicken, wait, a duck.  Ok, we thought it was a chicken when we bought the costume only to be corrected on closer inspection of the beak.  It's not as funny being a duck.  I think Kevin had more fun than anyone taking him door to door.  For a kid who can't eat candy, he scored big time.  

As I mentioned, we will be heading up to Burlington in November. Kevin will drive our car up around the second week to hunt and kill an apartment for us. Then Jude and I will fly up the next week to move in. We have some dear friends from NJ that will drive up to help us move in. Thank you, thank you. My next post will come from the great state of Vermont!

Oh yes, one more thing to mention for those that haven't heard yet. We are happily pregnant with number two, due early May. Praise God for this great gift!

Dear New Jersey

Dear New Jersey,

I have so many things to say as we get ready to leave you. We have been through so much together these last six years. It has been tough at times but I like to think that we won you over in the end. For a while we weren't sure if you liked us or not, but we killed you (murdered, really) with kindness and you didn't have much of a choice but to accept us. I remember pulling in with our U-Haul truck to the three ring circus that was our house closing. It was standing room only in that tiny room with a round table not big enough for all the lawyers, brokers, real estate agents, and us commonfolk. Jersey accents were flying, tempers were high, tears were flowing, and I'm pretty sure someone asked us to do something illegal before it was all over. Welcome to New Jersey, Pounds', you aren't in Kansas anymore.

The first month in our new old house, amid wallpaper stripping and detoxing it from years of cigarette smoke, we slept on a mattress on the floor of our room. I lay awake each night listening to the noise on the street, wondering what in the world we had done, praying for sleep and for the morning to come. Someone would shout and it sounded like they were right outside our window. What were they shouting about at 3 in the morning? This was different.

We would walk down the streets of New Brunswick and pray for the people we saw, not knowing anyone and trying to read their faces--would they accept us, would they accept Him? It was so strange, so full of strangers, but love came quickly to us. We started to see the same faces over and over, started to notice the personality of the city. We became fixtures at Starbucks on George Street, the nexus of the New Brunswick universe. We spoke to the regulars and became part of the inner circle of people who spend most of their working hours plugged in and sipping all day on a Grande mild with Hazelnut.

Good things started happening, God began building his church. Someone was saved and we baptized him in the ocean. We moved from a small apartment to a playhouse, then a hotel, then office space, a night club, a school. We asked you how we could help and you cynically pointed out many needs. Let's see if they really will... You gave us your trust in the end and I think we loved you more for making us work for it.

Thank you for teaching us so much about relationships and service and living in community. Maybe our biggest lesson from you was how to share our lives with our neighbor-what it means to love her as we love ourselves, to give freely to him of our time or money or shelter. You gave us some of the best friends we will ever have. For all of the knocks you get for being brash or quick tempered, we have found friendship in your Kind, Generous, and Loyal.

And there is one more thing that I would like to thank you for. You gave us a son when we thought we may not ever have one. Maybe Jude was like a parting gift that you wanted to give as we were making plans to leave--you wanted us to take some New Jersey up to Vermont perhaps. This kindness I will never forget. I will always be thankful for God bringing us together. And even if this was the only fruit of our lives in New Jersey, I would spend six years all over again to have him.

Oh, New Jersey. I won't miss the jug handles, our gang member neighbors, or the property taxes. I probably won't miss the latino music played loud on my street everyday, or having to move my car on Mondays between 8 and 9 and Thursdays between 9 and 10. I for sure won't miss having to bundle all of our cardboard into 24 inch squares tied with twine for the 3rd Tuesday of the month. But I will miss you.