Sunday, January 31, 2010

I Am Certain that I Don't Know

Jude is 7 months old! I feel like I am getting the hang of this mothering thing in some ways, but there are still times when I don't know what in the world I am supposed to be doing with him. It's like, we wake up in the morning and then I spend the next couple of hours waiting for him to tell me what to do until it dawns on me that, whoa, I am in charge here.

It takes my breath away when I think of how I'm supposed to teach him everything he needs to know to be happy, wise, kind.... Shouldn't I be reading to him more? Mimicking him? Rolling balls to him? Does he need one of those cubes where you put the different shapes into the holes yet? Should I make him stay on his belly for 10 minutes every day even though he doesn't like it? Am I feeding him enough? Too much? Did I leave him in that bouncy seat too long today? Is it going to delay his walking? Does he really need the 1 ml of flouride that I put in his cereal every morning? Why do I feel guilty on cold nights where I get to huddle under quilts in my bed while he sleeps blanketless in his crib? Oh, and speaking of sleep, who knew that getting a baby to sleep was actually under the category of Rocket Science? To cry, or not to cry? Either way, I end up crying.

Sigh. There are moments, though, that shatter my neurosis into a million pieces. I walk into his room every morning and after every nap to be greeted by this huge 2-tooth grin and wiggling legs. Sometimes he even lets out a sigh of relief as if to say, "she came back." Then comes the snuggling--he burrows his little fuzzy head into my chest and sits there awhile as he wakes up. So happy and content. I must be doing something right.


Lori said...

Oh Christin! He is so cute and I totally relate with you on all the questions!!! I know that you are an awesome Mom!!!! Miss you!!

Courtney said...

You are doing SO MUCH right, not just some thing. You're such a good mom and it's so fun to see you mothering him. What a sweet boy and how lucky to have you for his mom.
You know, I think just as you figure out one thing, something new comes along but I think it's good for us to keep our brains working :)

Brandon and Christi Tyler said...

You are doing everything right!! You'll be asking yourself a million questions for the rest of his life, the questions just change. You are an amazing mom and he's so blessed to have YOU to wake up and snuggle to. Love you guys and hopefully one day our little guys will get to meet. :) Christi