Tuesday, March 16, 2010

An Indulgent Post

This weekend at church a good friend of ours, David D., said something to me about Jude that I don't want to forget. David really loves Jude, it's easy to tell. He said, "You know how sometimes you will read something in scripture that just jumps out at you and makes you feel alive, and you know it's because the Word is living and active? That's the feeling I get when I look at Jude." Something like that. Whoa. I feel that way too. Love wells up inside of me when I least expect it. There will just be a moment when he is playing all by himself, or when he looks at me with recognition and I just think, I am so lucky to be his mom.

David also asked me, "Do you think God looks at us this way?" I can't think of where else we would have gotten this from. Wow, what would change in my life if I really believed that my love for Jude was only a fraction of God's love for me? Does God watch me, like I do Jude, when I'm so unaware of His attention? Does He get that fizzy feeling in the pit of His stomach that is like he is going to dissolve of pure joy at any minute just by watching me?

I literally can't take my eyes off of Jude. I feel like I spend my days just staring at him. I want to catch and catalog every expression and every new thing he does. Fascination is the word. I am glued to this kid, waiting to see what he will do next, like he is a slow moving movie. I try to imagine what it must be like to see a pigeon for the first time (we did that today), or to feel the rain splash in your eyes (we did a lot of that last week). I remember the first time he felt a strong wind in his face. His eyes got really big and he gasped-- like gasped-- and looked at me like, "what was that?" Pure exhiliration.

He's almost crawling (forward), almost pulling up to stand, almost getting his 3rd and 4th tooth. When I talk to him he pays real close attention like I might say a word he would recognize. He loves to be outside, loves Pippin, and thinks hanging upside down is hilarious. Daddy gets the biggest smiles and the most laughs, but he still prefers to be in my arms. I'm ok with this because I know there will be a day when he realizes that Dad is much more fun to hang out with than I am!

So, here is one of those moments when I felt like my heart would burst. He's not doing anything very astonishing, just being cute.

Here are a few other pictures. We more than made up for the rain this week, it was gorgeous out. We spent most of our days outside. He thought it was funny to see me walk in front of the porch while he looked out between the slats.

1 comment:

Courtney said...

I know exactly what you mean. One of my favorite things about parenting is getting to relive life through my kids' eyes. It's like I see everything anew as they do rather than just being numb to how amazing it is when there's frost glittering on the grass, or to hear a bird singing.
You should give another listen to Jill Phillip's song "Children" on the album her "Good Things" album. She says it simply but it really impacts me:

"Oh, I love you so much
So how great is His love
That we should be called
We should be called
We should be called His children

I want to keep you from crying
I want to save you from pain
I’d lay down my life for your life to go on
But couldn’t let you do the same
So what kind of love would give selflessly
And take such joy in giving you to me"

And then she says:

"I know I’m not enough for you
And you know this at your young age
Even though my love will fail you
The love that He has will not change"

...which I love because I always think how great it is that God set it up so that we fail our kids (it's inevitable!) so that they can turn to and love Someone who will never fail them. Basically when you mess up big time you're showing your kids that you're not God :)

This is long and rambly, but hopefully not too rambly...
Love to you all!